The Twat Files
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Taxes & duties are taken care of. Estimates are business days; minor variation may occur due to local holidays or Customs.
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| Priority | — | — |
Taxes & duties are taken care of. Estimates are business days; minor variation may occur due to local holidays or Customs.
Pre-order THE TWAT FILES and be one of the first to discover the truth behind the many, many times Dawn French has been a complete twat over the last sixty years. Wanker. Git. Prick. Prat. Dick. Eejit. Plonker. Pillock. Nincompoop. Bellend. Halfwit. Dolt. Chump. Nitwit. Moron. ****wit. Simpleton. Lunatic. Dork. Numskull. Idiot. All lovely . . . but . . . nah . . . I prefer Twat. It's neat and it's accurate somehow. Because, yes, I am a Twat . . . sometimes. Aren't we all? THE TWAT FILES are my stories of the times when I've been a total, utter twat. Time and time again, I've been a massive eejit. But the more I think about it, the more I understand that the moments where I've made mistakes, misunderstood stuff and messed up are key. That's where all my learning happens and where I laugh the most. Being a twat is universal and my twatishness is no different to yours. Except perhaps, that mine has been horrifyingly public on occasion. My hope is that reading these stories of my twattishness might remind you of just what a massive twat you also are, that we might celebrate and revel in this most delightful of traits, together. 'Dawn French is a wonderful writer' Daily Mail 'This woman is a national treasure' Mail on Sunday Be a fellow twat and pre-order THE TWAT FILES now.
We offer easy, no-hassle 30-day returns for eligible orders from the UK, UAE, Singapore, Malaysia, Australia, New Zealand, and the EU. If you're not satisfied or your item arrives damaged, just email us for approval and we’ll provide a region-specific return address. Refunds are processed within 5–7 business days of receiving approved returns. For damaged items, share a clear unboxing video — and you can keep the item after refund approval. At this time, exchanges are not supported. All orders ship from our main warehouse in Hyderabad, India, and are dispatched within 12–36 hours (Mon–Sat). We manage all customs paperwork (IGST, IOSS, VAT) to ensure smooth delivery. Shipping is free in most regions and typically takes 5–9 business days. Priority shipping (4–6 days) is available at checkout for a small fee. We use trusted carriers like Royal Mail, DPD, Emirates Post, Aramex, and Australia Post. Once shipped, you'll receive a tracking email.
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